Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

(2008) dir Guillermo del Toro – w/ Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones, Doug Jones & Doug Jones, James Dodd, Jeffrey Tambor, Anna Walton, Briane Steele, and John Hurt.  Why did Mr. Wink have to be Evil! Synopsis: Evil elvy-type wants to take back earth from greedy, selfish humans.  Wants to do so through battle.  […]


(2005) dir Paul Tarantino – w/ Benjamin John Carillo as would-be upwardly mobile insurance agent, Mark Aiken as Dougie, Kristi Clainos as Sarah, and Ralph Lister as, apparently, “The Man”.  I don’t really remember who that might be. Synopsis: A happy office drone wants a little more out of his workplace environment, and feels he […]

Bon Voyage

(2003) dir Jean-Paul Rappeneau – w/ Isabelle Adjani, Virginie Ledoyen, Gerard Depardieu, Yvan Attal, Peter Coyote, and Gregori Derangere as the hapless writer.  Starring some jugs of water as Heavy Water. Synopsis: A scientist and his assistants, an actress, a writer framed for murder and his fellow escapee, a minister… and of course a Nazi […]

Righteous Kill

(2008) dir. Jon Avnet – w/ Robert De Niro and Al Pacino; also Brian Dennehy, Donnie Wahlberg, John Leguizamo, Carla Gugino, & 50 Cent. Synopsis: Two seasoned detectives stumble across the case of a “mysterious” vigilante… who only kills bad guys! Review: “Righteous Kill” has exactly one good idea.  And unfortunately, that idea is: put […]


(2000) dir. Ryuhei Kitamura – w/ Tak Sakaguchi as Prisoner KSC2-303, and a bunch of other folks as random, ominous-sounding figures (e.g., “Motorcycle-riding yakuza with revolver,” and “Yakuza zombie in alligator-skin coat”). But you didn’t watch this for the characters. Yet. Synopsis: Really?  Synopsis? Review: Open with a bunch of– Oh, come off it.  The […]

Black Sheep

(2007) dir Jonathan King – w/ lots of actors you’ve probably never heard of — fresh faces — and, of course, the sheep.  Really, it’s all about the sheep. Synopsis: A man, and his irrational fear of sheep.  Animal rights activists, and their disgust of genetically modified sheep.  A man, and his boundless greed.  Then, […]

Death of Mr. Lazarescu

(2005) dir Cristi Puiu – w/ Ion Fiscuteanu as the eponymous Lazarescu, and a few other people, hospitals. Synopsis: Mr. Lazarescu feels unwell, and calls an ambulance.  His neighbors harangue him for drinking, his family doesn’t want much to do with him, and various doctors, nurses, and EMTs (their Romanian equivalents, anyway) poke fun and […]


(2007) dir Kenneth Branagh, screenplay by Harold Pinter – w/ Michael Caine and Jude Law.  And a fancy necklace. Synopsis: Andrew’s (Caine’s) wife has left him for Milo (Law).  Though of course the paperwork’s not entirely cleaned up yet.  Like a good fellow, Milo wants to have a sit-down with Andrew, a man-to-man.  A nice […]

I Am Legend

I’d always assumed the criteria were loose (at best), but I didn’t realize that the only necessary condition of stating that a movie is “Based On” the book is a cursory glance at the book’s cover and a $150 million budget. No, really; that’s it. And I know “the book” is traditionally supposed to be […]

Movies watched, Best of

Of the boatload of movies I watched in 2007 (see the complete list here), the following are my favorites. You get the 30-second version of why each movie makes the list, and nothing more. Movies Released In (Or Near) 2007: Stardust – [****] – 2007 / Matthew Vaughn: A fairy tale, but jazzy, expansive, and […]